Peer Review 1

There are a few issues I came across. They are primarily related organisation. First the introduction. It is quite lengthy, and I believe a good amount of it can either be removed or transferred into a paragraph. Secondly, paragraphs three and four should be moved earlier in the essay due to the general talk of metaphors opposed their negative effects your other paragraphs. Some none organisational issues may just come from me as the reader, but I found some points a little unclear. I can only half follow your first paragraph and I could not quite get some of the main ideas from the others. If we had a dialogue about it, I might be able to help word it so it’s better understood. My final word to you is to about furniture. You cannot assume the reader has read Erard, so I would suggest adding a quote of his about furniture soon after you mention that.

I hope my words may help on your revisions,

Nick Esposito

Peer Review 2

You need to find your own voice. Your essay seems to be mostly summary of the in class work. It also seems, to me, that you drop your thesis after the second body paragraph. If you are having trouble supporting your thesis, which I think is “While they are only the result of the vibrations of our vocal cords, metaphors and language itself serve a larger purpose, one which can improve the physical and mental well-being of many worldwide,” maybe it is not what you want to be arguing. If that isn’t your thesis, then I missed the entire point of your essay. Also not good. When you talk about military metaphors, you make a claim that those kinds of metaphors should be abolished. That claim is then left untouched and unexplored. That could be something you can argue: either added to your current thesis or make into a different essay altogether.

I hope my words may help on your revisions,

Nick Esposito