Category: Peer Review

Peer Review 1

There are just a few, small issues. The introduction is a rough read. You overuse the questions and it generates quite the mess. You also need to introduce the authors. A simple briefing on who they are is all that’s necessary. While on the topic off authors, you quote Strawson, but do not engage the quote. I have it marked on your paper. I also have marked on your paper a place where a quote from Strawson would be of good use. In addition, a narrative project needs to be used in your essay somewhere. I am not sure what direction you want to go in for that, but I am sure you can find a podcast that works with you. Other then that, a general tune up should be good just to scan and fix any spelling, grammar, or spelling mistakes.

I hope my words my help on your revisions,
Nick Esposito

Peer Review 2

There are just a few, small issues. Number one is the gaging of Strawson in your intro. You can bring it down to a body paragraph as it is not necessary in the intro. Speaking of Strawson, you paraphrase him when it would be better suited to directly quote. It is sort of a way to prove Strawson is writing what you say he is writing. In addition, a narrative project needs to be used in your essay somewhere. I am not sure what direction you want to go in for that, but I am sure you can find a podcast that works with you. Other then that, a general tune up should be good just to scan and fix any spelling, grammar, or spelling mistakes.

I hope my words my help on your revisions,
Nick Esposito

My comments are [a], [d], [e], [f], [h], [i], [j], [l], and [m] as well as the last two sentences.

Peer Review 1

Your essay may need work, but you definitely have a lot of ideas to explore in your final draft. One of the main things is that opinion and interpretation are in both the arts and sciences. You need to make the distinction between opinion and interpretation in arts and opinion and interpretation in science because they are different. There are a few sentences I marked that could be explored more in separate paragraphs. I know you are also working on adding quotes for evidence and that you may edit your thesis to incorporate the arts by way of things like diagrams. You have some strong ideas, but it just needs a little more editing and elaboration. However, you show a strong start by putting your arguments down on paper.

I hope my words my help on your revisions,

Nick Esposito

Peer Review 2

You, my friend, have a really good essay. There is not much to criticize when it comes to your delivery of your arguments. The issues present in your introduction; all two of them. First, you may want to expand on pediatric psychiatrist. I mean this as state that it is your career path. This is to make sure your reader knows from the gate why this specific field is important to you. The second thing is about your thesis. You start it by saying “pediatric psychiatrists use science to objectively observe,” but the talk of science appears absent in your essay. I would say that needs to be brought up in the essay as a whole at the very least briefly. I do not know if any of this helps, but it is all I have to critique.

I hope my words my help on your revisions,

Nick Esposito

My only comment is [d].

Peer Review 1

There are a few issues I came across. They are primarily related organisation. First the introduction. It is quite lengthy, and I believe a good amount of it can either be removed or transferred into a paragraph. Secondly, paragraphs three and four should be moved earlier in the essay due to the general talk of metaphors opposed their negative effects your other paragraphs. Some none organisational issues may just come from me as the reader, but I found some points a little unclear. I can only half follow your first paragraph and I could not quite get some of the main ideas from the others. If we had a dialogue about it, I might be able to help word it so it’s better understood. My final word to you is to about furniture. You cannot assume the reader has read Erard, so I would suggest adding a quote of his about furniture soon after you mention that.

I hope my words may help on your revisions,

Nick Esposito

Peer Review 2

You need to find your own voice. Your essay seems to be mostly summary of the in class work. It also seems, to me, that you drop your thesis after the second body paragraph. If you are having trouble supporting your thesis, which I think is “While they are only the result of the vibrations of our vocal cords, metaphors and language itself serve a larger purpose, one which can improve the physical and mental well-being of many worldwide,” maybe it is not what you want to be arguing. If that isn’t your thesis, then I missed the entire point of your essay. Also not good. When you talk about military metaphors, you make a claim that those kinds of metaphors should be abolished. That claim is then left untouched and unexplored. That could be something you can argue: either added to your current thesis or make into a different essay altogether.

I hope my words may help on your revisions,

Nick Esposito